In The Fellowship of the Ring, the first installment of The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Frodo Baggins muses aloud with Gandalf about how he wishes the One Ring had not come to him.

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.

“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

Being a Rings fan, I actually have a thousand pertinent quotes running through my head from those books. But this one has stood out the most, because Frodo speaks directly to my own thoughts. With everything that is in me, I wish what is happening to me wasn’t happening. These kinds of things are supposed to happen to other people, strangers. Not me.

But wishing doesn’t change reality. And it has taken a little time, but reality is starting to settle into my being. And the reality is that I have stage four breast cancer. It is eating at my bones and lungs. To combat this, radiation and chemotherapy are becoming regular parts of my life, like driving your kids to school and getting to work on time are part of yours. Like Frodo, I can wish all I want that these things weren’t happening. But it doesn’t change the facts.

Like it or not, cancer is my reality. And Gandalf’s wise counsel is as perfect for me as it is for Frodo. All I have to do now is decide what to do with the time that is given me. I can choose to question God, and wallow in despair and sorrow. Or I can choose to trust God, continue to live life to the fullest, to look for joy in the midst of pain.

Obviously, the right choice is to trust God. But it is not the easy choice. Dissolving into tears and fear and sadness threatens to consume me regularly. Which is completely natural, right? And to a certain degree, crying and mourning and grieving are also part of my process. But over all, I choose faith. I choose God. I choose his plan for me, no matter what that is. The only times I experience peace are when I am placing my trust in God, when I’m meditating on his promises, when I am choosing to trust Him with this seemingly devastating situation.

He is God. He can handle it. In fact, He is the ONLY one big enough, strong enough, powerful enough, and loving enough to handle it.

And as I have quoted time and again, “The Lord Himself has gone before me and will be with me. He will never leave me nor forsake me. I shall not be afraid. I shall not be discouraged.” (Deut 31:8, slightly modified to the first person narrative).