I have tried a thousand times to lose weight. All my life I’ve been a little heavier than the skinny girls. Of course, I look back at pictures of myself when I was in high school and scream at that girl to be content. She’s beautiful. And a proper size. She didn’t need to lose a pound. But she didn’t think so. Ever. I’ve spent most of my life discontent with my size and shape.

Though I’ve grown in confidence over the years, that has mostly been on account of my accomplishments, winning personality, sense of humor. I also fully identify as a child of God, and know that my worth comes from Him. I am a daughter of the King.

But honestly, until about a year ago, I had never been content with my weight. I’ve been content with my face and my hair, I’ve come to terms with my height (or lack thereof). But overall, I have NEVER been content with my weight. Never. Nearly 25 years of discontented living! Years of failed diets, years of buying clothes that were supposed to make me look skinnier, years of feeling inferior to all my skinny friends and family members. It’s true. I’ve always felt “less than.”

But that is no way to live.

And so, about a year ago, I began a conversation with God about my discontent. I needed to learn to feel good about myself EXACTLY AS I WAS. I knew that weight loss was not the answer to my inner discontent. That was a spiritual and mental battle. So I did a few things.

I stopped weighing myself. I ate what I wanted. I bought clothes that fit me and made me feel good about myself. I discovered Modcloth.com!* Seriously cute clothes for the bigger girl. I paid attention when I realized I thought someone else looked really good … and she was big like me! I prayed and prayed and prayed for a better perspective. I ignored every fashion magazine. And slowly but surely my thoughts about myself began to change. I became comfortable in my own skin. I had the audacity to think I looked good! (I think we live in a world that doesn’t know what to do with a bigger girl who is also confident about her looks. Another post.)

I finally came to terms with who I was, which is SO MUCH MORE than my weight – in fact, my weight is a fairly inconsequential factor in the greater scheme of things. I am a wife to an amazing man, a mom who loves to love on her kids, a friend, a sister, a daughter. My body has made and birthed three babies, beat cancer, climbed mountains, lived overseas, eaten strange and exotic foods. I am intelligent and occasionally wise. Why in the world would I let a little thing like an extra 60 pounds affect my sense of self-worth?

Wynnie Weston. Just one of the many things that makes me happy.

I wouldn’t. That’s the bottom line. It’s outrageous actually. And it’s outrageous to judge anyone else by their looks, too. Skinny or fat, or anywhere in between – not only are we all valuable and important, we all have a story. And that story is what makes us who we are. Not our dress size.

It has only been since this realization that I have been able to finally attack weight loss. It’s truly not about the weight. It’s about the health. My goal is actually 10-30 pounds more than what the BMI calculator says it should be. But I’m not the type to let a calculator tell me how to live my life. And I like being curvy. Just a healthy curvy. The goal is simply to stay around long enough to enjoy my kids, and their kids. I want to go backpacking and camping without any difficulty. I want to take long walks with Caleb when we’re old. I want to get old! It’s not my dress size that will get me there, it’s my body. So she and I are going to work together to reach something close to optimum health. But even if it takes a really long time, that’s OK. Because I’m already happy.

*Modcloth.com is an affiliate link.